My Mom sent this to me -I thought it was so funny!

20 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . You better pray that will come out of the carpet. 3. My mother taught me LOGIC . Because I said so, that's why . 4. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. 5. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . Shut your mouth and eat your supper. 6. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! 7. My mother taught me about STAMINA . You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone. 8. My mother taught me about WEATHER . This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. 9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! 10. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. 11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . Stop acting like your father! 12. My mother taught me about ENVY . There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. 13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . Just wait until we get home. 14. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. 15. My mother taught me ESP . Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? 16. My mother taught me HUMOR . When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me. 17. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. 18. My mother taught me about my ROOTS . Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? 19. My mother taught me WISDOM . When you get to be my age, you'll understand. 20. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.